In a provocative episode of a Facebook Live and podcast episode, guest co-host Dawne Tomlinson and I dug deeply into the complexities of conflict. Although I always feel energized after recording these conversations, with this episode I was worried that it wasn’t our best offering. It didn’t really feel as energetic and inspiring as it usually does. In the online content creation space, you can’t worry too much about that because live is live after all.

Instead, I decided to re-listen to the episode to figure out what about it left me feeling off and to see what I could learn and improve.

So, here’s what I learned:

I actually loved this episode. On the re-listen, all the messy and imperfect parts made it unique and authentic. Please go and listen if you haven’t and please share, share, share with your friends and colleagues. This is the kind of topic that would benefit from more and wider conversations.
The reason why it felt different than other episodes is that we were exploring a topic that is easier to talk about in the abstract but when it happens in real life it can feel awkward and unpleasant. For example, I brought up a real example from my work life and accidentally found myself wildly uncomfortable.
After the recording, I left with a vulnerability hangover but didn’t recognize it as such right away. Self-awareness really is a constant practice.
Feelings of shame, guilt, and regret characterize “vulnerability hangovers” - a term coined by Dr Brené Brown. These often occur after taking an emotional risk but these are risks that are often worth taking. When we risk sharing our stories we can connect with and learn from each other in much more powerful and authentic ways. Brené Brown describes the vulnerability hangover in a TED Talk as the “most accurate measure of courage” and courage feels so much more empowering!
After I re-listened to the episode, this time I left wanting to talk more and learn more about the word and the practice of challenging.

Why is challenging so challenging?

In the context of learning, asking questions is always a great place to start. What are you wondering about, curious about, or seeking to understand more about?

When we think about a toddler’s constant barrage of questions, we smile because we know they are making sense of all that is new to them. When we think about questions in the context of the classroom, we promote questions as a way for students to learn from each other and be curious about the world. We hope that questions evolve along the learning journey and expect questions from a teenager or adult learner to be more complex or nuanced. We also become more comfortable when the answers to these questions become more complex or ambiguous. In classrooms, we teach critical thinking and how to look at different perspectives. All questions are good questions is a frequent classroom mantra.

So how does this translate to the workplace?

Often questions, particularly those that challenge our thinking, become dangerous in a workplace environment. Why is that? Some of the answers are in the Beyond Self-Care book and more were uncovered in our podcast conversation but there is much more to unpack!

Maybe it is because our workplaces are not structured like our classrooms. Our classrooms are moving to becoming more collaborative places for exploration and problem-solving. While workplaces are starting to aspire to that too, more often than not our structures and practices don’t lend themselves to this way of being. This is the system!! And it is where the hard work will be, work that may result in a vulnerability hangover or two!

Self-care has an important role, but let’s move beyond self-care to look at how we can work more relationally with one another and with the systems we are in. Join me as I continue to question the systems that are no longer serving us.

The Challenge of Challenging

Why is challenging so challenging?

So how does this translate to the workplace?

Connect the well-being challenge to the solution

Embedding well-being when you are starting from behind